Every man has fantasized about being with a pornstar, on-screen they seem like everything you’ve ever wanted. But can you imagine the reality of you marrying a Lisa Ann, Asa Akira or even an Abella Anderson? It would be bloody disastrous, and here’s why!
7. Trophy marriage, but only for a short time.
Sure, marrying a pornstar is every “LAD’s” dream but once you get past the honeymoon phase and you’ve gloated to practically everyone that “I married a pornstar”, reality WILL sink in, and it will be terrible. The trophy bride will fade quickly and what you will be left with is really quite scary!
6. You would become EXTREMELY insecure.
It wouldn’t be long before you were one of the most insecure men alive! You’ll never have as many sexual partners as her, no matter how hard you try. “HOW MANY?!?! TELL MEE!!” Nobody likes that guy.
5. Strangers recognising your wife in the street.
After all the hype settles down and you’re casually shopping with your wife, people will still recognise her everywhere you go. How annoying would that be to put up with? Grown men and young teenagers asking your wife to sign their micky. The power of the internet means that your wife’s face will be infinitely recognisable for the rest of her days!
4. Would there be any tread left on the tires?
Here’s the thing: would the sex REALLY be that good? I mean, sure she’d be a demon in the sack and know every sex position known to man, but would you actually feel anything? Or would it just be like throwing a hot dog down a long corridor? Some food for thought for you there.
3. Her films being posted on your Facebook wall from your friends.
You KNOW that one of your smart-arse friends is going to think it’s hilarious to share your wife’s previous work all over social media and announce to the world your newfound beautiful marriage. Probably should have thought about that before you tied the knot?
2. Bumping into her old co-workers.
Unlike bumping into an ex-boyfriend. You’ll know that her former co-workers got PAID to bone your wife. He’s been there before you, and it’s all on film. How are you going to muster shaking that man’s hand and giving him a fake smile?
1. Think of the kids!
Now, think even FURTHER into the future. Let’s say, through some unlikely miracle, you manage to get past all of these previous barriers and settle down and start a family with this woman. Your kids hit that pre-teen age and some cheeky child finds out that your son’s MOM used to be a pornstar! He’ll spread that shit like wildfire and your son will more than likely stumble across this anyway. It’ll be TEN times more embarrassing and gut-wrenching for him than it was for you. No? Come on, weigh them up: Pornstar wife or pornstar mom…